Merry Christmas Eve all, a little something I whipped up for Templar's site. Enjoy!
In the cold of the North, outside Santa's shop
Leather-clad pseudo-elves were beginning to drop.
With the flash of a gun and the glint of a blade
They killed twenty elves and a few that had strayed.
But loaded to bear though they were for the tussle
Hidden cameras proved too elusive for muscle.
http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/7497/christmaschicks1.jpgToyCo had employed their assassins (high paid)
To ensure that Kris Kringle's free toys were waylaid.
Though killing his elves was a step much too far
So Saint Nick stalked his prey by the light of a star.
Last thing on the mind of a spoiled hitslut brat?
Being beaten to death with a wiffle-ball bat.
http://img682.imageshack.us/img682/9499/christmaschicks2.jpgSanta bludgeoned a few, but he couldn't stop there,
His exotic assailants refused to fight fair.
They whirled at the noise with a crunching of snow,
And quick as a flash, he pulled his crossbow.
Firing in silence with unnatural speed
Nick filled bitches with bolts; they would pay for their greed.
http://img269.imageshack.us/img269/1147/christmaschicks3.jpgTeam Partridge inquired where Team Pear Tree went.
Sadly, the group missed the message they'd sent.
Old Nick wasn't just going to let them all lie --
What kind of saint turns his own home to a sty?
So Saint Nick gathered up some stray bundles and sacks
And crammed in the spy girls to cover his tracks.
http://img8.imageshack.us/img8/4617/christmaschicks4.jpgNow our hero was hardly a warrior by trade,
But at his old feet a great burden was laid.
He did what he could with the tools that he had
To his arsenal old belts and straps he did add.
And when the last spy girls broke into his house
They were dragged up the chimney, quick as a mouse.
http://img121.imageshack.us/img121/3518/christmaschicks5.jpgThe lone living hitgirl surveyed her dead team.
She collapsed to her knees and tears flowed like a stream,
"I'm sorry we came, and I'm sorry we found
And I'm sorry we burned your toy shop to the ground!
And I'm sorry we sliced up and shot all your elves --
We're just pretty young spies and we can't help ourselves!
These crimes and still more are all my fault I fear
But aside from the murders I've been good this year!"
---
"I know that it's standard for spies to get killed
But it's Christmas my girl, and I'm feeling good-willed!
You understand, miss, I was fighting for life
And my outlook has never been one of great strife.
You killed all my elves and set fire to my toys,
Which will be a great blow for the world's girls and boys...
But you say that you're sorry and your words ring true
So cheer up my new elf, we have much work to do!"
http://img8.imageshack.us/img8/553/christmaschicks6.jpg
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